Journey Through Heartsongs by Mattie J. T. Stepanek

Meet Mattie … 

I am Mattie J. T. Stepanek. 

My body has light skin, 

Red blood, blue eyes, and blond hair. 

Since I have mitochondrial myopathy, 

I even have a trach, a ventilator, and oxygen. 

Very poetic, I am, and very smart, too. 

I am always brainstorming ideas and stories. 

I am a survivor, but some day, I will see 

My two brothers and one sister in Heaven. 

When I grow up, I plan to become 

A daddy, a writer, a public speaker, 

And most of all, a peacemaker. 

Whoever l am, and whatever happens, 

I will always love my body and mind, 

Even if it has different abilities 

Than other peoples’ bodies and minds. 

I will always be happy, because 

I will always be me.

 Prayer for a Journey 
Thank you, God, 

Not just for life, 

But for our journey through life. 

Life is a miracle, 

And a journey through life 

Is so full of so many more miracles, 

If we travel with our Heartsongs. 

Thank you, God, 

For blessing me with the 

Gift of Heartsongs, 

So that I can enjoy miracles.

Heartsong 

I have a song deep in my heart, 

And only I can hear it. 

If I close my eyes and sit very still ... 

It is so easy to listen to my song. 

When my eyes are open and 

I am so busy and moving and busy, 

If I take time and listen very hard, 

I can still hear my Heartsong. 

It makes me feel happy. 

Happier than ever. 

Happier than everywhere 

And everything and everyone 

In the whole wide world. 

Happy like thinking about 

Going to Heaven when I die. 

My Heartsong sounds like this: 

I love you! I love you! 

How happy you can be! 

How happy you can make 

this whole world be.

And sometimes it's other

Tunes and words, too,

But it always sings the

Same special feeling to me

It makes me think of

Jamie, and Katie, and Stevie,

And other wonderful things,

This is my special song

But do you know what?

All people have a special song

Inside their hearts!

Everyone in the whole wide world

Has a special Heartsong.

If you believe in magical, musical hearts,

And if you believe you can be happy,

Then you, too, will hear your song.

A New Hope

I need a hope… a new hope.

A hope that reaches for the stars, and

That does not end in violence or war.

A hope that makes peace on our earth, and

That does not create evil in the world.

A hope that finds cures for all diseases, and

That does not make people hurt,

In their bodies, in their hearts,

Or most of all, in their spirits.

I need a hope… a new hope.

A hope that inspires me to live, and

To make all these things happen,

So that the whole world can have

A new hope too.

Crystal Celebration December 1996

Sometimes,

Sunrise is like a heavenly crystal ball.

Everyday,

In the little bit of time between night and day,

The Angels look at the earth

To see how things have been and

To see how things are going and

To see how things will be.

The sky changes from dark

Into Angel-whites and Angel-golds

The blackness of trees starts to glow with

Pinks and purples and oranges from their hearts

And during each dawn

All the Angels gather up and have

A celebration in God's honor!

And sometimes,

You can even watch

And join them in the celebrating

Just look out into the sunrise

The jump into your own heart

Float into the air like in a dream

And pray with love and praise and thank-yous

For your life, for your spirit, for your sunrise

And for being a part of this heavenly crystal ball!

For Mr. Thompson May 1996

The people who like poetry are special

They are the same people who hear

Lullabies and wind chimes

When the birds are noisy together

They are the ones who see

Star-gifts in ever season

Tree-stars in the fall

Snow-stars in the winter

Dandelion-fairy-stars in the spring, and

Lightning-bug-stars in the summer

They are the ones who have

Favorite colors that are wonderful gifts

Like sunset or rainbow or treasure

They are the ones who have a

Song in their heart and words in their mind that

Come together and slip out into the air or onto paper

As a gift to someone else, or even themselves

The people who like poetry are probably the ones who

Really like life, and who know how to celebrate

Even when things are sad or happy

We remember that sometimes, even if we don't

Understand why, that the rain falls for a reason

We remember how important it is to play after

A storm, just because we need to keep playing and living.

And, we are the people who remember to say thank you to God for our gifts.

Touch of Heaven November 1999

What is it like to have a baby

Fall asleep while holding your finger?

It is a soft, precious touch

It is relaxing, yet exciting.

It is a feeling of trust and importance.

It is so soothing it makes me want to fall asleep.

It is a sign of peace and love

What is it like to have a baby

Fall asleep while holding your finger?

It is a great gift from Heaven.

The Language of God April 1996

Do you know what language God speaks?

God speaks every language.

That's because God made everyone and gave everyone different languages.

And god understands all of them.

And, do you know what is God's favorite language?

God's favorite language is not grown-ups language,

But the language of children.

That's because children are special to God.

Children know how to share, and they never lose their Heartsongs.

A Handful of Mattie January 2000

My fingers stand for reader, writer, black belt, collector, and friend...

My palm stands for Heartsongs, ebullient, spiritual, honest, trustworthy, brother, uniparental, optimistic, inspiring, diligent, savant, peacemaker, and "Gift of God"

My hands raise in prayer for giving thanks for my being which stands for life.

Making Real Sense of the Senses April 1995

Our eyes are for looking at things, but they are also for cry, when we are very happy or very sad.

Or ears are for listening, but so are our hearts.

Our noses are for smelling food, but also the wind and the grass and if we try very hard, butterflies.

Our hands are for feeling, but also for hugging and touching so gently.

Our mouths and tongues are for tasting, but also for saying words like "I love you" and "thank you God for all of these things."

Climbing to Heaven January 1996

In the winter, trees reach up to touch the sky.

Without their leaves, the trees look like hands and fingers stretching up so, so, so high.

And if you look at the tallest tree in our backyard, you can see that it is so, so, so close to Heaven.

Perhaps we could go out and climb up the tree, up the hand, up the fingers and into the sky. 

Then, we could just step through the clouds...and into Heaven.

About Angels January 1995

Do you know what Angels wear? 

They wear Angel-halos and Angel wings and Angel dresses and Angel shirts under them, and Angel underwear and Angel shoes and Angel socks, and on their heads they wear Angel hair. 

Except if they don't have any hair.

Some children and grown-ups don't have any hair because they have to take medicine that makes it fall out. 

And sometimes the medicine makes them all better. 

And sometimes, the medicine doesn't make them all better, and they die.

And they don't have any Angel hair. 

So do you know what God does then?

He gives them an Angel wig. And that's what Angels wear.

Believing for the Journey May 2000

Every day, everyone in the world should do at least one thing nice for others. 

Doing so can help each person believe in himself or herself more fully, and give confidence that may inspire each person to do more and more new and good things for the self, for others, and for the world.

Those positive attitudes and actions can be the first of many steps towards the journey for world peace. 

And world peace, harmony, and confidence are essential for our future.

Future Echo August 1999

When I swing, I go everywhere, and yet, nowhere at all. It's like being in the middle of an echo, that hasn't left me yet, and so, it hasn't come back. I am between yesterday and tomorrow, but still in my life of now. When I swing, I feel so happy and excited, and peaceful, and yet I feel a little bit lonely about the time that will come, when I will not be able to swing anymore. And so, for now, when I swing, I move back and forth in the everywhere and the nowhere that is the understanding of an echo - the echo of my spirit that grows from my life, and that sounds like a peaceful, but lonely cry, for the times when I swing before I die.

Vietnam War Memorial February 2000

A wall give structure. It can divide and block. It can support and fortify. It can be a place to display photos, writings, awards, and memories. But this, is the wall.  The wall that gives structure to the insane losses of a war. The wall that represents a nation divided and blocked. The wall that supports too many broken hearts and bodies. The wall that fortifies the reality of dead lives among the living. The wall that reflects memories of what was, of what is, of what might have been.  In photos, in letters and poems, in medals of honor and dedication, and in teddy bears and flowers, and tears and tears and tears, this is the wall. Born out of pain and anguish and guilt, that gives names to the children of grieving mothers and fathers and to the spouses of widows and to parents of wondering children. This is the wall. That echoes sadness and fear. Yes whispers relief and hope, this is the wall. May we be forever blessed by its structure and fortitude and support, and may we be forever reminded of the eternal divisions of war.

The Tiger Fights a Dragon in the Purple Sun May 1998

When the sun sets, in the mist, the tiger and the dragon fight in the purple light. Who wins? Who knows? Thy who have great Heartsongs know. The tiger of peace or the dragon of anger.

Philosophy Glass May 1997

Some people see a glass with some water in it and say "oh yes, that glass is half full!" Some people see a glass with some water in it and say "oh no, that glass is half empty!" I hope that I am one of the people who is always able to look at each of my glasses and see them as at least half full. That's very important in life, because if yo live feeling like your glass is half empty, well, it may as well be empty all the way.

On Being a Champion September 1999

A champion is a winner, a hero...someone who never gives up even when the going gets rough. A champion is a member of a winning team...someone who over comes challenges even when it requires creative solutions a champion is an optimist, a hopeful when the game is called life...especially when the game is called life. There can be a champion in each of us, if we live as a winner. If we live as a member of the team, if we live with a hopeful sprint, for life.

Peace of Patience November 1999

I cannot wait to become a peacemaker. I cannot wait to help the world overcome anger, and problems of evil. I cannot wait for the world to be peaceful, and for everyone to live in harmony. I cannot wait to grow and be and overcome. But, I will wait, with patience, and hope, and peace.

The Mattie Book November 1994

Sometimes, I wish I could be in a book. And the book would have lots and lots of pages. When everyone reads it, they would know about Jamie, God and life, and about love and Heaven and about playing and feelings and rainbows and feathers and mommies and peacemakers and dinosaurs and friends and all the other important things. And all of the pages would have lots and lots of words filled with Mattie's thoughts and Heartsongs. And they would live and teach saying "Hooray for Life!" forever, given after I am gone.

Faces of Faith July 1996

I wish that the people who have anger and hatred and sadness will remember about their Heartsongs, and get them back. Everyone is born with a Heartsong. But as we grow up, sometimes we forget about it, because we don't listen to it enough. And the people of war, well, they really need to get them back. Their Heartsongs really need to live, because when we die, they are what rise up. I want that to happen to me. I want my Heartsong to rise up, and I am trying my best down here on earth. You really can go to Heaven. Everyone can. But sometimes, you have to sit in think time when you lose your Heartsong. And that is sad because some people who go sit in think time, they never come back. And some people just think and realize, and then they come back. But if we remember to listen to our Heartsongs, we will not need to go to think time. Our songs will just rise up out of our hearts, and take our spirits straight on to Heaven. I will remember to listen to my Heartsong. I will remind others, especially the grown-ups, to listen to their Heartsongs too. And for the people who have forgotten theirs, I will share mine with them. Maybe they will keep mine, and maybe it will remind them of their own. But what really matters is that we keep the faces of faith and listen to our Heartsongs and live so that we can die and live again. 

Welkin February 2000

The sky is such a perfect blue. It must have been painted there. Even the clouds bear witness to the stroke of an artist's brush. This just proves that God is perfect at many professions.

Pirate Candy April 1996

You know why most people don't like black jelly beans? Because they're pirate candy! Black jelly beans taste like "pirate." They smell like pirate. They're the color of the Jolly Roger pirate flag. They're like the little black patch. Pirates wear over their empty-eye. Black jelly beans are also the pirates favorite candy flavor because they taste a little bit mean. But under the hard black bean outside, is a soft good jelly inside that tastes sweet and nice. You see, most people just taste the dark part. But I crunch through that nasty bit and get right to the jell bean guts. So I am the lucky one because I know that most pirate candy is actually pretty good stuff.

Important Things December 1993

When I grow up, I think maybe I will be a snowman because when it snows outside, I';; already be cold and like it and children will play with me and laugh and sing and dance all around me. And those are important things to have happen when you grow up.

Beware of the Ever-Wolf May 1996

I am a werewolf for any moon...when the moon sits full like a yellow white or maybe orange circle in the dark night sky, I will grow my fur and my long pointy fingernails, and my longer pointy toenails and my two fuzzy tails and my icky sharped fangs and I will howl, ow, ow, ow, ow-oooooohhh!!!! under the full moon.  Then I will come back inside and turn back into the nice little here-boy that I am...except that I am a werewolf for any moon.  So even if I don't have my fur and my nails and my teeth and my lonely scary howl I will be there just the same. I will be a whenwolf with the sun and a whichwolf with the almost moons, and a whywolf with the invisible moon. But always watch out, and beware, because I am a werewolf for any moon.

At Long Last October 1998

Half-empty trees, scritchat ghould gray skies, laughing black crow haunts a sound to the wise, orange-toothed pumpkins smirk jagged tooth grins, message is clear: Halloween now begins!

Unanswered Questions December 1993

My brother Jamie died. His muscles and bones did not work at all anymore. His happiness and specialness went into Heaven and his body got buried in the hold that goes into the ground and then into the sky and then to the everywhere and forever that is Heaven. I know why he died, but I also don't know why. I really don't. He is happy. And sometimes I am too. And sometimes I am sad or angry or scared or confused and sometimes I think that maybe I didn't hold his hand tight enough.